How do you take down such a monster as this?
Is this the appropriate question to ask?
How can you gaze upon this construct...this system of power and money, authority over life and death, and not feel in your guts that it has to be ground into dust?
As I strive hard to earn money of my own, a living--a damn good living too--I am struck in the heart. I have long hated this monetary system. This whole system. All of its agencies. I hope I hold to my fucking morals. I want to win, like nothing else in the world ever, I have to win. I have to overcome and conquer my goals. Because I need much so that I can help much.

And the elder says to the younger, "You must partake in the system to fix it." And the younger says to the elder, "This system was never designed to help you, why are you so determined to remain under its chain and whip and abuse?"

I don't vote. A brief look at history, if you're not too afraid, will make the trends pretty clear. There are people with lots and lots of power, authority over other people, people who don't give a shit about you. People who are probably watching this, or at least are capable of watching this, as I'm typing it right now. And these are the people in power. Perhaps I don't know shit, but I don't understand how anybody really feels they have privacy and security anymore. Do I think we're all being watched all the time? No, not really. There's too many. Do I think it very difficult a concept to activate phone cameras and mics? A live feed into every key press on your computer or phone? No, I don't think that'd be very difficult to do.

Do we need governments...? I don't believe so. Government. Do we need organization? Sure, we sure do. Leadership, organization, progress as a group, but we don't need government for those things. Once you've let go of this concept of NEED GOVERNMENT and you just alter your perspective, it's impossible to go back. But there's also no pathway over here, so we're figuring it out as we go. But this is a revolutionary shift in the mass-mind. It's happening. Slowly. But it's happening. I've been watching it happen to many a mind, thanks to social medias. And it's tricky, because if it happens too quickly, it will be crushed. For one, humans are not very keen on big changes, we like to keep it on an even tempo. Which is...insanity to me. Once you realize there's a need to move and adapt and change, you do it. That's it. You want to hesitate? Fine, you die. That's life. Evolution, if you're into it. Adapt or die. For two, if it has too much form it will be fought and destroyed by the current powers that be and the generation of it constituents before us.

This shift is subtle and it is slippery and it is fluid and it is without solid shape or substance. It has to be. To survive, it has to be impossible to grasp. Because if it can be grasped, it can be grasped tightly. If it can be grasped tightly, it can be crushed. Therefore it must remain simultaneously in light and shadow.

Many times, the generation just before ours, our parents, they will defend the shit out of the current system. And I am not incredibly rebellious anymore, yet I still can only see the need to topple this thing. What else are we going to do? Honestly. Keep adhering to its rules and regulations on how to rule and regulate you? I see lots of fear. FEAR...the great destroyer. The great destroyer of dreams, destroyer of joy, of hope, the great destroyer of belief and sole fabricator of belief, of faith. FEAR, the bit and bridle in your teeth, the cracking whip, the jabbing of the spur. Fear, despot of human independence. And its competitor...empathy, selflessness, the opposite end of the spectrum from the egocentric extremity.

It isn't nearly as scary as it seems. Take care of each other, defend each other against people trying to conquer, living in the egocentric. Am I against violence? Absolutely not. Violence is the bomb dot com when properly applied and disciplined. Counter-violent action will save your life and the lives of your loved ones. Am I against governing my own use of violence with the joystick of pride? Hell yea, I'm way against that. There are much more effective ways to get what you want from life than picking pointless fights.

There's another problem though: Not forming new factions, which turn inevitably into governments and nations, religions and walls and barriers between peoples.

I accept that I will probably be long dead by the time this shift is worldwide and our bumbling species has transcended this current mind-state. Still, it's pretty exciting.

On Creativity, the Arts, Film, Theater

         I'm super sensitive, man. I don't like people because they formulate opinions about me and then I wonder if they're true. And then it eats me up, keeps me up at night. I start doubting everything about myself. Like this dude saying I come across like an arrogant asshole...that shit has been in my head ever since. I don't want to be an arrogant asshole. Simple as that. I want to be a nice guy. A stand up gentleman, you know? I've played the asshole long enough. I don't think...I don't feel like I NEED that anymore. I want to be a good guy now.

         I had to focus entirely on me last year to pull myself out of suicide. So I had to make me really, really important to myself. And I already have narcissistic tendencies out the wazoo. It seems like all I've done my whole life is buffer myself from humanity and from life and from existence. I want that buffer gone. I want to be whole. I want to be free. Open to experience. I want to be creative. I want to make the things I want to make. Film the films I want to film. Write what's in my head to write. I don't want to be angry anymore. I want to be open and loving and caring. I want to share all things and help people who need it or even just want it.

         Look...this is what I've discovered; I look at film, I look at the entertainment industry, I look at music, I look at writing, at art and...I just feel at home. I know that in that industry I can do all things, you know? I just know it because it's already within me. I have a lot to learn, sure, I'm okay with that. But it comes easily for me. It doesn't cause me ANY stress to do those things, even when they're extremely difficult, I have to learn a new skill, I have to dig into an emotion I've avoided, I have to learn a new style or structure, etc. I love it. Any other industry I just want to be done with it all immediately; “let me learn absolutely everything as quickly as I can so I don't have to bother learning anything else here because I hate it”. Not in the world of creation and entertainment. I am so in love with it...you don't even know. Acting--even--I feel has come pretty easily. At least grasping the concepts, I guess. It's just about developing one's emotional awareness and control and openness and emotional confidence, creating desire, motivation, goals to put those emotions toward and connecting with people truthfully in a false environment. Which is so much fun. 

         That's the magic. I've wanted magic my whole life and that's where it is. In creating truth from made up worlds and situations. I love that. That's divine, man. That's the conundrum of existence. It's so contrived, yet it's so absolutely true. Life itself is truth...within a manufactured setting, ultimately a false world, yet filled with so much truth. All that there is is truth. A person may lie, a ruse may be had, a deception set in motion but...those are all true statements. There is only what there is and there is nothing more and nothing less.

         The most exciting things are the things which blur the lines of reality. Blur the lines of truth. Lies. Deceptions. That's what art is--film, theater--a fake setting, a false framework, made up to entertain you by filling it with TRUTH. Does that blow your mind? That seems like the ultimate. Some things are designed just to mesmerize and entertain the senses without provoking much thought (think, “Transformers”), but there is not a depth to them. The truth is only that the visuals and sounds excite the senses. There aren't many layers of life within the framework. It's just a contrived framework with contrived life inside. There could have been so much more in there, but that's not what it was designed for. And such designs crumble when tested just a little bit. So, it's best to just enjoy them for what they are and carry on. No need to get angry, bro.

         Truth within the framework of falsehood at its best--to my mind--is something like, Birdman, the Secret Life of Walter Mitty (prolly my favorite), Prometheus, the Matrix (just the first one, please). They ask questions about reality, about the reality we create, about the human condition, about existence and the purpose of living our lives. Those are excellent questions just brimming with truth.

          Anyway. I don't care to please everybody. I used to. And it's a difficult habit to break. But I DO respect and value the opinions of all people. We all have valid life experiences. I don't have enemies. They might think that of themselves and of me but I don't. People who position themselves as enemies are the most valuable folks. They present the questions, the weaknesses you might not have realized you had to address. This is me practicing formlessness and using negativity to produce positive outcomes. That's all I want to do anymore. I want to radiate with positivity and loving and tree-hugging. Chyea.

         Alright, so...I don't want to be an asshole anymore. Is the point. I want to be grateful and I want to grow my ethereal arms to hug every soul.

Tongue Biter

Bite my tongue,
and I bite my tongue,
and I bite my tongue
until I've eaten it clean off,
Pointless verbs and similes,
circular debates
sipping from the poisoned public trough.

And so I--
--swallow that tasty human tongue,
dissolve its words into my mind,
And in its wondrous, brilliant depths,
so full of colour and dark designs,
I scrape away the dross
burn the waste until there's only ash,
regard myself,
no sacred stars, no sacrament or holy cross,

Then all that is left
to use and to express
is my hands and my feet for traction,
blueprints spawned in the seething depths,
secrets born when I was,
pushing into action.

And we continue on,
you and I,
in my mind,
my favorite voice and closest friend,
Teach me what I ought to know,
show me where I ought to go,
We are delightful,
we are genius
we know how to have our devilish fun,
we flit and fly
through a reality contrived,
and we smile forever,
for we are one.

Formlessness

         ACAS made himself into such a way that when he approached others, he approached them with openness to their mind--the seat of their thought and emotion. Unlike most others, he has no walls. He has no barriers. He has no more hill upon which to build his castle because he no longer has need of a such a barricade about himself. He is formless. He is liquid, vapor and he is solid, favoring no state or form over another, thereby remaining in readiness to become as he is needed to be.
         If Acas approaches a man and is in a form of many pebbles--yet his query is thirsty and carries with him only a camel-skin pouch with narrow spout--how will he fit himself inside? So he alters his state and form to become liquid and water, easily flowing into the camel-skin pouch. Happily the man scoops up Acas and drinks to his satisfaction.
         When the form of a nefarious fool is vapor, filling the drifting balloon of another soul's heart and carrying her to terrifying heights, Acas first becomes vapor himself to attain such a height. Then he takes a form of many pebbles and gently brings her heart down to a suitable and comfortable atmosphere. Here she is familiar and safe, breathing the greater oxygen content more freely.

         Whoever you are required to be in order to be of service to your fellow man and woman--be that person without hesitation or inner resistance.